Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Six Months Old!

I am a bad blogger. I apologize.

Eleanor turned 6 months old last Saturday. So much has changed since I last wrote. As is probably obvious, I was so anxious all the time and I really wasn't enjoying motherhood as much as I wanted to. In November, the counselor I've been seeing since I had Joseph suggested I go see her colleague, the psychiatrist, about possibly going on meds for PPD.

I wasn't sure about it. I wanted to feel better, but I didn't want to take meds if I didn't have to. I thought maybe my problems were related to sleep deprivation - by November, Eleanor had become completely dependent on her pacifier to sleep, and was waking up 6-8 times a night wanting it put back in. I was a zombie. So I met with the psych, but we decided we'd work on the sleep issue first and see if that helped.

In mid-November, we taught Eleanor to sleep without the paci, which was remarkably easy and involved almost no crying. The very first night after we took it away, she slept ten hours straight. TEN HOURS. Now, she's fallen into a predictable pattern - bedtime around 7:30, wakes once to eat around 4:30, and then sleeps until 7 or 7:30. It's like heaven.

But I was still a wreck. I can't really describe it - it was just the creeping feeling of always feeling like I was doing something wrong. Even though she was sleeping, I had insomnia. I was anxious and lonely and bored. So around Christmastime, I went back to the psych and we agreed to start me on Prozac.

And...I'm like a different person. I don't know if it's all the Prozac or if Eleanor suddenly got about twice as cute and fun as she had been, or a little of both, but it's been a revelation. She is the BEST. She laughs all the time. She rolls over. She sits up without support. She's learned to scoot herself around on her back. She loves to be bounced up and down. Being her mom is SO MUCH FUN.

In other news, we sold our house. We close on the 31st! I've been running around scheduling movers and packing stuff up and getting ready to go. I'm really excited. I'll also be looking for a job once we get there, which I'm looking forward to.

Rambly post - but I'm hoping to start writing again more. Here are some recent pics:

With Emma (Eleanor's on the right) at Christmas:

Six months old: