Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I can't believe it's been two and a half weeks since Eleanor was born - it feels like she's been here forever. I wouldn't go so far as to say that we're settling into a routine, but life at least feels like it's returned to some new semblance of normal.

I was hit hard by the baby blues in the first few days after we got home from the hospital. Breastfeeding was going OK, but there were a lot of new-mom questions and concerns - for example, E spent her first few days home sound asleep and her first few nights home eating for 5 minutes, falling asleep, waking up when put down, eating for 5 more minutes, falling asleep...and over and over. I had a few nights in a row where I didn't sleep at all, and I tried sleeping during the day but I've never been good at that. Last Monday, I broke down in front of Andy and my mom and sobbed that I hated having a baby, that it had been a huge mistake. I felt horrible, but it was even worse that Andy got upset hearing me say that (not that I really blamed him) and we had a big fight about it. I felt horribly guilty and sad.

Miraculously, that was the night E decided to sleep for 3-4 hours in between feedings. We figured out that she likes to sleep in her swing, so we tried it and it worked. She's had pretty good nights ever since - she's been going between 2 and 4 hours between feedings and going right back down afterward. After nights of not sleeping at all, getting up every two hours feels like a luxury. After a few nights of sleeping better, it was like the "mom hormone" finally kicked in - I am just enthralled with E. I had no idea I could love another human being as much as I love this tiny girl.

By chance I discovered that the hospital I delivered Joseph at (which is closer to our house than the one I delivered E at) has a drop-in breastfeeding support group 5 days a week. When my mom was here last week, we went three times - I love the LC who runs it, and it was great to meet so many new moms going through all the same things. I think I'll be going at least once a week for a while, if for nothing else than the companionship and advice. E is now 8 lbs 2 oz, so she's one pound 4 oz over her birthweight and one pound ten ounces over her hospital discharge weight, so I guess I'm doing something right!

The first day we went to the group, we decided to go up to the birthing unit and see if any of the wonderful nurses who took care of me last year were there. As it turned out, the nurse who was with me all through my labor and the neonatologist who took care of Joseph were on duty, so we had them paged. As soon as they came out in the hall and saw me, we all started to cry. It's amazing that the staff there remembers us so well - I think our story really touched them. I'm glad we went.

E is crying...more later


At Wednesday, August 02, 2006 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Sherry said...

I'm so glad you brought those of us in blogland up to date! I can't imagine how difficult those first days and weeks are for any new mom, but it sounds as though you and E are finding your niche.

I'm also glad you mentioned about visiting your old doc/L&D nurse, because I had considered doing the same thing (if I ever manage to get pregnant again!), but didn't know how well received it would be. But, with your story, I feel much better about doing that. = )

At Wednesday, August 02, 2006 7:43:00 PM, Blogger Josefina said...

Well, I'm sure you'll soon get the hang of it!!! Good luck!

At Thursday, August 03, 2006 3:18:00 PM, Blogger Bronwyn said...

That is so wonderful about seeing your old L&D team! It sounds like a very touching moment. They must have been thrilled to see you and Eleanor!

And little E is absolutely gorgeous! I can imagine how tough these first weeks are for anyone, never mind with all of the mixed emotions that you must have. But it sounds like you're getting the hang of it. Many blessings to you and the newest member of the family :)

At Thursday, August 03, 2006 11:47:00 PM, Blogger Kate said...

You're functioning on no sleep and recovering from a c-section... throw in post-partum hormones, and well, it's a disaster! The first few weeks are hard. Don't feel bad, it gets better. You can do it!


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